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Yehuda Bubbahooey's JournalWednesday, January 3, 200711:56PMWell, your long wait is over - Yehuda Bubbahooey is back on life journal! And boy, oh boy, have I been up to a lot since my last post! I've sat on my toilet every day for an average of 23.8 hours a day (the other 0.2 hours I'm usually doing something completely different, like sitting on someone else's toilet!). Mehilda and I are still together, but we've had our difficulties. She says I don't listen! I'm sorry if sometimes I don't focus as much as I could, but I've got to concentrate on sitting on my toilet! I guess she asked if I'd marry her a bunch of times, and I didn't listen. Well, Mehilda should know better - I don't want to be divorced, because I saw what a devistating effect it had on my role model, Britney Spears! And 100% of divorces are from people who are married! So, if I don't get married, I don't get divorced! I'm so smart! Mehilda's all upset, saying that I love my toilet more than her. Well, sorry Mehilda, but my toilet is special to me! If I don't sit on it, then it's not in use, therefore I would be wasting money! By sitting on it basically 24/7, I get the maximum use out of it, and get the best bang for my yen. Anyway, that's what's down with Mehilda. I decided to cut down my work schedule, it was too strenuous (I work 10 minutes one day every 4 months). Now, I'm down to 5 minutes every 6 months. I've been burnt out, so that should help. I'm also running for public office again - this time for Secretary of Rabid Gophers! Rabid Gophers are a huge problem, and we need someone to deal with it! The current Secretary of Rabid Gophers, Joojoopuke Peeweetinkle has just done nothing to stop the problem! I have a 4 part plan to stop Rabid Gophers - 1. Machine Guns to effictively kill rabid gophers, 2. Forklifts to dispose of dead rabid gophers, 3. A new restaurant that will specialize in rabid gopher stew, which will make sure the rabid gophers are disposed of properly, and 4. Umbrellas for every citizen, just in case a rabid gopher is dropped from an airplane. I think with that platform, I can't lose. I'm also looking to expanding the Rabid Gopher budget - from 30 cents to 589 billion dollars. I'm gonna win this one, you bet! Current mood:  OCELOTS!Monday, July 17, 20068:09PMHowdy do, folks! Thought I'd give a quick update on my life as of late - Current mood:  YOUPPI!Thursday, July 6, 200610:37PM - WOO-PAH! YEHUDA'S BACK!After a nearly 1 year hiatus, Yehuda Bubbahooey is back on Life Journal! And boy, what a year it's been - here's some of the highlights- Current mood:  HOWARD DEAN!Tuesday, July 19, 20057:58PMWell, I'm sorry to say my quest to become the new Secretary of Fertilizer was not successful. I lost by a 1-0 vote. And what's worse is I'm the one who voted for Butt Saunders! I can't read, so I took a guess as to which bubble I had to fill in, and I picked Butt's bubble! Oh well, the best of luck to Butt on his 59th term! Current mood:  ACUTE RENAL FAILURE!Wednesday, July 6, 200510:35PM - NEWS FROM THE CAMPAIGN FRONT!Well, I've begun seriously campaigning for my bid to be the Secretary of Fertilizer. Yesterday, I taped my first campaign ad! Here's how the ad went - "Yehuda Bubbahooey knows nothing about fertilizer. But he can belch the alphabet! Vote for Yehuda - {belching}ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ{bel Current mood: SNEADS!Wednesday, June 29, 200510:25AM - MEET YOUR NEW SECRETARY OF FERTILIZER!I have to decided to once again run for public office. I didn't become the Sewage Czar last year, so now I'm running for Secretary of Fertilizer! I'll be running against the 58 time incumbent, Butt Saunders! Butt first became Secretary of Fertilizer when he was 18 years old. During his run as Secretary of Fertilizer, he's done some great things, like making a rule that all fertilizer had to be registered with the Padagonia Fertilizer Funhouse, and it would cost $98,492 to register your fertilizer. He also started the Padagonia Fertilizer Mounted Patrol, and they would bust people using unregistered fertilizer. See, these two moves were very wise. Because no one could afford to register their fertilizer, that was less work Butt would have to do. And the Fertilizer Mounted Patrol punished vagrant fertilizer users. Now, with that said, I think these things could improve. I think that $98,492 is way too much to register your fertilizer. I propose lowering the price drastically - to $98,491.99. Also, right now the FMP ride llamas. I propose we switch from llamas to goats. Those changes will change the entire Padagonia fertilizer inferstructure. Current mood: quixoticTuesday, June 28, 200511:10PMI took Vernon to the vet today. I was very concerned about him, I noticed he had these two, antler-shaped things coming out of his head! I thought it might be a tumor or gingivitis. Well, the vet informed me that there's nothing wrong with Vernon, that the antler-shaped things coming out of his head were indeed antlers. So, I took Vernon home, and I saw that these two white things were sticking out of Goober's mouth! I thought he had cancer or the Uncle Jimbo Virus. So, I rushed him to the vet, only to be told there was no problem with him, that the things growing out of his mouth were his tusks. Boy, what a relief. So, my pets are all healthy. Bug's moose, Vernona, isn't doing so well, she looks pretty sick. I tell Bug he shouldn't feed her only Chicken McNuggets. Mooses need healthy, balanced diets. I feed Vernon a pail of grazed fish heads and 3 cans of uncooked spam every day, and other than massive diarrhea, he has no problems. Current mood: fullMonday, June 27, 200510:06PMWell, I see I haven't updated in 3 months. Well, tough tomales! Current mood:  lethargicMonday, March 21, 20052:03PM - JOKE TIMEIt's time for some great jokes that I came up with! Prepare to wet your pants! Current mood:  bitchyThursday, December 2, 20046:58PM - I HAVE MADE MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO LIFE JOURNAL!Been awhile since I updated. Sorry if I offended anyone. Wow, busy times lately. I've barely had any free time lately, with sleeping 20 hours a day, sitting on the toilet for 3 hours a day, working for 15 minutes every other week, and the rest of the time I've been poking myself with a cattle prod! Today, I'm taking time away from my self cattle prodding to write in my Life Journal. Current mood: exanimateMonday, November 15, 20045:18PM - SEWAGE CZAR ELECTION RESULTS!Well, I'm sorry to say I lost my bid to become Sewage Czar. I vote for Feces, since I felt bad he wasn't going to get any votes! Well, apparently I was the only one who voted, and Feces won the election 1-0! Feces didn't even vote, what a terd burglar! I told all my friends to vote, too! I asked Bug why he didn't vote, and he said he was too busy poking himself with a cattle prod. I asked Motumbo Humaded why he didn't vote, and he told me that he was too busy eating lard! I asked Vernon why he didn't vote, and he just snorted at me! I can't believe my friends didn't vote! Next tim I run for public office, I'm gonna wrap them up in duck tape and bring them down to the voting booth! I may run for Secretary of Fertilizer, that's coming up soon! I won't let ths get me down! I'm gonna make it! Current mood: SEFRINIFRIOUSSaturday, November 13, 200412:54PM - SEWAGE CZAR DEBATE #2 RECAPYesterday, me and Feces Ubunga had our second and final Sewage Czar debate! Boy, I didn't think I could clobber him any more than I did in the first debate, but I was wrong! I dressed up Bug as an elderly woman (which wasn't very hard, considering he wears dresses, lipstick, bras, pantyhose and adult diapers) and I claimed Feces hit Bug with an egg and severly injured her! Then Bug cried and called Feces a "chicken plucker." Then, he mooned Feces and ran around yelling "I am not Yehuda's neighbor dressed up as an old lady!" Man, did that really stir up the crowd (the 1 person who attended was very stirred up!) Then I started calling Feces names, and boy, last night I was on a name-calling roll! I went off for over 15 mintues calling him names non-stop! I ended it by calling him the worst name of all-a twerp! Feces tried to claim that I didn't know anything about any of the issues (which is true), and that I was calling him names and dressing up weird men like old ladies to try and distract people away from the fact that I am totally uinqualified for the job. After he said that, Bug came running back on stage and started beating Feces with an adult diaper! Feces then ran away, and the debate was over. Man, I'm gonna win the election easily on Monday! Last year, Feces's competitor got 0 votes. I'm going to at least triple or quadruple that! Current mood: BUNGHOLIO! Tuesday, November 9, 20048:23PM - SEWAGE CZAR DEBATE RECAPI had my first Sewage Czar debate against Feces Ubunga the other night! Boy, I annihilated him! I started off by saying his mother smoked banana peels! Feces got all mad, and said his mother never smoked banana peels! The I called him a flip-flopper, and mooned him! And I wrote "flip" on one of mt cheeks, and "flop" on the other cheek! I then accused Feces of eating live squirrels! Feces said he didn't eat live squirrels, and even if he did, it would have nothing to do with him being Sewage Czar! I then accused him of throwing eggs at the elderly! I said that one of his eggs that he threw at this old woman severely injured her, and that she may never walk again! Feces denied it, but I kept telling him, "Sir, by denying that it happened, you have admitted that you did it!" Feces tried talking about the issues, but I didn't let up when he tried to change the subject. I accused him of stealing Musk Oxes, of not telling the voters of his drive-by fruting arrest in 1977, and of taxing the taxpayer's money and buying turnip juice! I think I totally won the debate-I stuck to my guns (false accusations) and stayed away from my weak areas (the issues). We have another debate Friday. I'm going to dress up Bug like an old woman and claim Bug is the elderly woman Feces severely injured by throwing an egg at her! Current mood: ROMPA!Sunday, November 7, 20048:21PMMan, things are heating up in the Sewage Czar race between me and Feces Ubunga! We have our first debate tomorrow night down at the slaughterhouse! I'm going unleash some shock and awe on Feces! I'm going to claim that he eats babies! And when he denies it, I'm going to say "that's exactly what someone who eats babies would say!" I'm also going to claim that his mother was Genghis Khan, so he's obviously not fit to be Sewage Czar! I can even yell out "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" for dramatic effect! And, last but not least, I'm going to say he smells like a terd. Man, oh man, I'm gonna whoop Fexes in this debate! As long as I stay away from the issues and just spit out lies about Feces, I'll be just fine! I actually have no idea what a Sewage Czar is or what I would have to do if elected. ALl I know is I want to be Sewage Czar. My dad once told me, "Yehuda-if you don't become Sewage Czar, I'm going to tell everyone you're not our son." I won't let you down, Dad! I'll be the next Sewage Czar! If I lose the election, I'll just file lawsuit upon lawsuit demading a recount until Feces can't stand it anymore and he drops out of the race! Man, I'm going to make one hell of a Vice President in 2028! Current mood: moroseFriday, November 5, 20044:51PM - LONG TIME NO SEEWow, it's been awhile since I've updated my life journal! Sorry, I've been very busy! I've had to work a lot lately (I work 1 hour a day 3 days a week), and I've really been trying to add to my toilet time, I feel I've been neglecting it as of late. 6 hours a day on the toilet is not nearly enough! My toilet deserves better! On top of that, I'm trying to go to bed earlier, I haven't slept very much lately. 12 hours of sleep at night is not very healthy! Current mood: recumbentMonday, September 27, 200412:25PMMan, I'm such the practical joker! The other day, I ran Bug's doorbell, and then I ran away and hid! Bug came to the door, and no one was there! It was so funny! I can't believe no one's thought of this before! Bug got all mad, and started breaking all of his windows with a baseball bat. Then he hit himself over and over with a baseball bat until he was unconscious. I felt bad-if I hadn't rand the doorbell, Bug wouldn't have beaten himself unconscious. I waited until Bug regained consciousness, and apologized for what I did. Bug said he didn't go into his rage because of the practical joke I pulled, he just breaks all of his windows and beats himself unconscious with a baseball bat every day. I was relieved that I wasn't at fault. It's amazing Bug hasn't gotten brain damage from hitting himself repeatedly with a baseball bat. Well....that's not exactly true. He likes to come into my back yard and eat my dirt. When I ask him what he's doing, he says "GET AWAY FROM MY CAVIAR, YOU FESTERING EEL!" And he's started to call me Regis as of late. And he jumps off his roof headfirst in the asphalt more than he used to. Well, Bug may have brain damage, but he's still my friend. Monday, September 20, 20045:06PM - COPASETIC WEEKEND!Wow, what a weekend I had! On Saturday morning, Bug and I threw bricks at people biking down the street! Unfortunately, we didn't see anyone biking down the street. So, we decided we'd take turns biking down the street and throw bricks at each other. Bug said I could ride the bike first. What a nice guy Bug is! So, I was biking, and Bug nailed me in the head, and I got a concussion. It was so awesome! After I regained consciousness, I told Bug it was his turn. Bug then selflessly gave me his turn! Can you believe it? So, I got to bike again, and Bug nailed me in the head again and gave me another concussion. When I regained consciousness, I told Bug he had to go this time. But Bug said he had to go shave his legs, so he couldn't. It's too bad Bug didn't get a chance to go, it was a lot of fun! It's been a few weeks since I got two concussions in a day! Thursday, September 16, 200411:52PM - BOB SAGAT'S TOEJAMMan, our release party was a hoot! All 3 people who came had a good time. So, we're off to a great start with our new CD "Bob Bagat's Toejam." So far, we sold 1 copy. That's more than our last album sold! Man, we are going somewhere. If we sell one more CD that we did for our previous CD, pretty soon we'll sell 5 CDs! That should help us crack the Billboard hot 200. Then, we can have our own cologne and we can be on the covers of teeny bopper magazines like "Cat Fancy." Exciting times. Monday, September 13, 20049:50PM - I DIDN'T WIN =(Well, I didn't eat the dirt eating contest. And I did really well, I ate 8 pounds of dirt. And I even ate more than the 3-time defending champion, Zwokk Xwokk! But Xwokk's older brother, Zxwokk Xwokk, won by eating 15 pounds of dirt! It was quite an impressive display. And when he won the grand prize of a bag of dirt, he ate that too! That boy is a dirt-eating machine! The whole experience humbled me. Maybe I'm not cut out for eating dirt. I might look at some other possibilities. Coming up soon, we have a sawdust eating contest. I might enter that. Maybe, someday, I will be remembered as a first-rate sawdust eater. That's what I want my kids to remember about me. Sunday, September 12, 200411:19AMMan, I am so exhausted lately! I've only been getting 12 hours of sleep a night this last week! I just can't function with that little sleep! I've got to cut down on my toilet time and sleep some more, but it's tough. Man, my life is so stressful! Navigate: (Previous 20 entries) |
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