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Yehuda Bubbahooey's Journal

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

11:56PM

Well, your long wait is over - Yehuda Bubbahooey is back on life journal! And boy, oh boy, have I been up to a lot since my last post! I've sat on my toilet every day for an average of 23.8 hours a day (the other 0.2 hours I'm usually doing something completely different, like sitting on someone else's toilet!). Mehilda and I are still together, but we've had our difficulties. She says I don't listen! I'm sorry if sometimes I don't focus as much as I could, but I've got to concentrate on sitting on my toilet! I guess she asked if I'd marry her a bunch of times, and I didn't listen. Well, Mehilda should know better - I don't want to be divorced, because I saw what a devistating effect it had on my role model, Britney Spears! And 100% of divorces are from people who are married! So, if I don't get married, I don't get divorced! I'm so smart! Mehilda's all upset, saying that I love my toilet more than her. Well, sorry Mehilda, but my toilet is special to me! If I don't sit on it, then it's not in use, therefore I would be wasting money! By sitting on it basically 24/7, I get the maximum use out of it, and get the best bang for my yen. Anyway, that's what's down with Mehilda. I decided to cut down my work schedule, it was too strenuous (I work 10 minutes one day every 4 months). Now, I'm down to 5 minutes every 6 months. I've been burnt out, so that should help. I'm also running for public office again - this time for Secretary of Rabid Gophers! Rabid Gophers are a huge problem, and we need someone to deal with it! The current Secretary of Rabid Gophers, Joojoopuke Peeweetinkle has just done nothing to stop the problem! I have a 4 part plan to stop Rabid Gophers - 1. Machine Guns to effictively kill rabid gophers, 2. Forklifts to dispose of dead rabid gophers, 3. A new restaurant that will specialize in rabid gopher stew, which will make sure the rabid gophers are disposed of properly, and 4. Umbrellas for every citizen, just in case a rabid gopher is dropped from an airplane. I think with that platform, I can't lose. I'm also looking to expanding the Rabid Gopher budget - from 30 cents to 589 billion dollars. I'm gonna win this one, you bet!

Well, gonna go, I'm hungry....maybe I'll have some rabid gopher stew!

Yehuda

Current mood: OCELOTS!

Monday, July 17, 2006

8:09PM

Howdy do, folks! Thought I'd give a quick update on my life as of late -

- Got a note via carrier pigeon from Mehilda today (I refuse to use any other form of communication except carrier pigeon - that means no phone, email, fax, telegram, letters or psychic vibrations). Mehilda's very upset at me, apprently. Just because I spend 15 seconds a week with her (I think that's more than generous), and because in our last 15 second weekly visit, she wanted to kiss me, and I said "no way!" I mean, I may be old fashioned, but I don't believe a man and woman should kiss until they have been married at least 45 years. And even then, it can't last longer than a second, and it can happen only once every 3 months. I mean, the best way of letting someone know you love them is to have no physical contact with them whatsoever! The only time I ever touched Mehilda was by accident, I slipped on a banana peel, and when I fell, my head it the very end of her big toe. I felt so dirty! So, sorry Mehilda, I love you, but I won't kiss you until at least 45 years into our marriage (actually, better make it an even 50 to be on the same side).

- I'm trying to think of ideas of what to dress Vernon and Goober up as for halloween (it's a while away, but I have a lot of time to think about things like these when I'm sitting on the toilet). I'm thinking this year I might dress Vernon up as Goober (I'll saw off Goober's tusks and then glue them onto Vernon's mouth), and I'll dress Goober up as Vernon (I'll saw off Vernon's antlers and glue them to Goober's head). That would be cool.

- Soon, my band Social Tampon will record our new album "Urinal of Justice." SHould be a good one, we've got 3 songs ready, the album should run 0.6 seconds (one song is 0.4 seconds, one song is 0.15 seconds, one song is 0.005 seconds). SHould be good. We practice once every other year, so we should be ready. We're thinking about doing a world tour to promote the album - we're porbably going to do 39 shows (all in Minot, North Dakota). Hopefully, we'll sell a copy of this album, that would rule!

Okay, that's about all. Stay cool, and don't eat too much dirt!

Yehuda

Current mood: YOUPPI!

Thursday, July 6, 2006

10:37PM - WOO-PAH! YEHUDA'S BACK!

After a nearly 1 year hiatus, Yehuda Bubbahooey is back on Life Journal! And boy, what a year it's been - here's some of the highlights-

-I sat on the toilet for 23 hours every day the past year
-The other hour of each day I divided between eating spam, sticking my finger in my bellybutton, shooting at Vernon with a nerf bow and arrow, and 15 seconds a week I spend with my girlfriend Mehilda (I really sacrifice a lot of my time to be with her).

I will post more frequently from now on (probably every 11 months instead of every year). And if you don't like it, you can go suck on a lemon, your tart for brains!

Yehuda

Current mood: HOWARD DEAN!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

7:58PM

Well, I'm sorry to say my quest to become the new Secretary of Fertilizer was not successful. I lost by a 1-0 vote. And what's worse is I'm the one who voted for Butt Saunders! I can't read, so I took a guess as to which bubble I had to fill in, and I picked Butt's bubble! Oh well, the best of luck to Butt on his 59th term!

In other news, I just created a new sport - Taser in the Crotch! It's a very fun sport that involves tasers and crotches! Bug and I played the other day, and I zapped Bug good! He was unconscious for over 6 hours! The doctor said I almost killed him. Bug and I both both agreed it was great fun, and as soon as he heals, we'll do it again!

Mehilda's mad at me again. Just because I said I'd rather die than marry her. I meant that as a compliment! How could she think I was insulting her? Geez, you just can't win with that woman!

Well, I'm off to play some more Taser in the Crotch! My brother Uter and I are going to play. A fun time will be had by all.

Yehuda

Current mood: ACUTE RENAL FAILURE!

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

10:35PM - NEWS FROM THE CAMPAIGN FRONT!

Well, I've begun seriously campaigning for my bid to be the Secretary of Fertilizer. Yesterday, I taped my first campaign ad! Here's how the ad went - "Yehuda Bubbahooey knows nothing about fertilizer. But he can belch the alphabet! Vote for Yehuda - {belching}ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ{belching}." The ad rules, I think it really speaks to a key demographic I'm trying to reach - young belchers.

Well, that's all for now. Remember - vote Yehuda! BELCH!

Yehuda

Current mood: SNEADS!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

10:25AM - MEET YOUR NEW SECRETARY OF FERTILIZER!

I have to decided to once again run for public office. I didn't become the Sewage Czar last year, so now I'm running for Secretary of Fertilizer! I'll be running against the 58 time incumbent, Butt Saunders! Butt first became Secretary of Fertilizer when he was 18 years old. During his run as Secretary of Fertilizer, he's done some great things, like making a rule that all fertilizer had to be registered with the Padagonia Fertilizer Funhouse, and it would cost $98,492 to register your fertilizer. He also started the Padagonia Fertilizer Mounted Patrol, and they would bust people using unregistered fertilizer. See, these two moves were very wise. Because no one could afford to register their fertilizer, that was less work Butt would have to do. And the Fertilizer Mounted Patrol punished vagrant fertilizer users. Now, with that said, I think these things could improve. I think that $98,492 is way too much to register your fertilizer. I propose lowering the price drastically - to $98,491.99. Also, right now the FMP ride llamas. I propose we switch from llamas to goats. Those changes will change the entire Padagonia fertilizer inferstructure.

I'll be posting more of my campaign goals and news from the campaign front, so stay tuned! And register your fertilizer, or the FMP will come riding on goats to get you!

Yehuda

Current mood: quixotic

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

11:10PM

I took Vernon to the vet today. I was very concerned about him, I noticed he had these two, antler-shaped things coming out of his head! I thought it might be a tumor or gingivitis. Well, the vet informed me that there's nothing wrong with Vernon, that the antler-shaped things coming out of his head were indeed antlers. So, I took Vernon home, and I saw that these two white things were sticking out of Goober's mouth! I thought he had cancer or the Uncle Jimbo Virus. So, I rushed him to the vet, only to be told there was no problem with him, that the things growing out of his mouth were his tusks. Boy, what a relief. So, my pets are all healthy. Bug's moose, Vernona, isn't doing so well, she looks pretty sick. I tell Bug he shouldn't feed her only Chicken McNuggets. Mooses need healthy, balanced diets. I feed Vernon a pail of grazed fish heads and 3 cans of uncooked spam every day, and other than massive diarrhea, he has no problems.

Well, it's been a long, stressful day. Time to unwind - I'm going to watch "Gigli." It's such a good movie!!!

Y

Current mood: full

Monday, June 27, 2005

10:06PM

Well, I see I haven't updated in 3 months. Well, tough tomales!

Mehilda is really trying to talk me into getting married. But I told her that marriage is the leading cause of divorce, so I'd rather not do it. I mean, 100% of people who get divorced are married! The Mehilda got all mad at me. Well, she can get mad all she wants, but I'm not going to take any chance of getting divorced. I don't want to lose my most prized possessions (my toilet, my coffee can full of dead rats).

Oh, and good news! A new Yehuda World update today, oh goody goody goody!

New Question of the Week!

Yehuda

Current mood: lethargic

Monday, March 21, 2005

2:03PM - JOKE TIME

It's time for some great jokes that I came up with! Prepare to wet your pants!

What did the badger say to the yak?
-Nothing, badgers can't talk!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, here's another one-

What did the yak say to the badger?
-Nothing, yaks can't talk!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


I can't believe I came up with that all on my own! I'm so funny!

Yehuda

Current mood: bitchy

Thursday, December 2, 2004

6:58PM - I HAVE MADE MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO LIFE JOURNAL!

Been awhile since I updated. Sorry if I offended anyone. Wow, busy times lately. I've barely had any free time lately, with sleeping 20 hours a day, sitting on the toilet for 3 hours a day, working for 15 minutes every other week, and the rest of the time I've been poking myself with a cattle prod! Today, I'm taking time away from my self cattle prodding to write in my Life Journal.

Mehilda is upset at me. I don't really understand why, I can't remember anything I've done to offend her. I asked her why she's mad at me, and she says it's because I keep calling her "ugly". I told her that ugly is slang for pretty, like bad is slang for good, or olisophogous is slang for turnip. Mehilda said she doesn't like it, and asked me to stop calling her ugly. I told her I couldn't, because I'd lose street cred. She then called me a jerk. How nice of her!

I'm having problems with Vernon's diapers. I buy the best diapers I can find in the store, but they'renot meant for mooses. I'm going to call huggies and see if they'll make me a custom moose diaper. Vernon can't help it, he has bad bladder control. Bug told me this guy if offering classes on bladder control, and that I should send Vernon. I asked who ti was that was giving the bladder control classes, and he said it was Ross Perot. That's so cool! Vernon going to be taking bladder control classes from Ross Perot! Maybe I'll join too. My bladder control is spectacular, but I really wanna meet Ross Perot! I have a Ross Perot for President pair of pantyhose, maybe he would sign it!

Okay, off to go prod myself some more!

Yehuda

Current mood: exanimate

Monday, November 15, 2004

5:18PM - SEWAGE CZAR ELECTION RESULTS!

Well, I'm sorry to say I lost my bid to become Sewage Czar. I vote for Feces, since I felt bad he wasn't going to get any votes! Well, apparently I was the only one who voted, and Feces won the election 1-0! Feces didn't even vote, what a terd burglar! I told all my friends to vote, too! I asked Bug why he didn't vote, and he said he was too busy poking himself with a cattle prod. I asked Motumbo Humaded why he didn't vote, and he told me that he was too busy eating lard! I asked Vernon why he didn't vote, and he just snorted at me! I can't believe my friends didn't vote! Next tim I run for public office, I'm gonna wrap them up in duck tape and bring them down to the voting booth! I may run for Secretary of Fertilizer, that's coming up soon! I won't let ths get me down! I'm gonna make it!

Since I won't be giving a victory speech, I think I'll sit on my toilet instead. That's a good use of my time.

Yehuda

Current mood: SEFRINIFRIOUS

Saturday, November 13, 2004

12:54PM - SEWAGE CZAR DEBATE #2 RECAP

Yesterday, me and Feces Ubunga had our second and final Sewage Czar debate! Boy, I didn't think I could clobber him any more than I did in the first debate, but I was wrong! I dressed up Bug as an elderly woman (which wasn't very hard, considering he wears dresses, lipstick, bras, pantyhose and adult diapers) and I claimed Feces hit Bug with an egg and severly injured her! Then Bug cried and called Feces a "chicken plucker." Then, he mooned Feces and ran around yelling "I am not Yehuda's neighbor dressed up as an old lady!" Man, did that really stir up the crowd (the 1 person who attended was very stirred up!) Then I started calling Feces names, and boy, last night I was on a name-calling roll! I went off for over 15 mintues calling him names non-stop! I ended it by calling him the worst name of all-a twerp! Feces tried to claim that I didn't know anything about any of the issues (which is true), and that I was calling him names and dressing up weird men like old ladies to try and distract people away from the fact that I am totally uinqualified for the job. After he said that, Bug came running back on stage and started beating Feces with an adult diaper! Feces then ran away, and the debate was over. Man, I'm gonna win the election easily on Monday! Last year, Feces's competitor got 0 votes. I'm going to at least triple or quadruple that!

On election day, I'm going to vote for Feces, so he'll get at least one vote. I really respect my opponent.

Yehuda

Current mood: BUNGHOLIO!

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

8:23PM - SEWAGE CZAR DEBATE RECAP

I had my first Sewage Czar debate against Feces Ubunga the other night! Boy, I annihilated him! I started off by saying his mother smoked banana peels! Feces got all mad, and said his mother never smoked banana peels! The I called him a flip-flopper, and mooned him! And I wrote "flip" on one of mt cheeks, and "flop" on the other cheek! I then accused Feces of eating live squirrels! Feces said he didn't eat live squirrels, and even if he did, it would have nothing to do with him being Sewage Czar! I then accused him of throwing eggs at the elderly! I said that one of his eggs that he threw at this old woman severely injured her, and that she may never walk again! Feces denied it, but I kept telling him, "Sir, by denying that it happened, you have admitted that you did it!" Feces tried talking about the issues, but I didn't let up when he tried to change the subject. I accused him of stealing Musk Oxes, of not telling the voters of his drive-by fruting arrest in 1977, and of taxing the taxpayer's money and buying turnip juice! I think I totally won the debate-I stuck to my guns (false accusations) and stayed away from my weak areas (the issues). We have another debate Friday. I'm going to dress up Bug like an old woman and claim Bug is the elderly woman Feces severely injured by throwing an egg at her!

Other than the Sewage Czar campaign, not much going on. Bug is trying something new to make money, if you give him a nickel, he'll beat himself unconscious with a baseball bat! What a brilliant idea! I want to do it, I wish I thought of it! It could have helped raise money for my Sewage Czar campaign. Oh well, I've decided that attacking kids as the walk to school and stealing their lunch money is the best way to raise money forf my campaign! So far, I've ammassed $2!

I'm out, peeps.

Y

Current mood: ROMPA!

Sunday, November 7, 2004

8:21PM

Man, things are heating up in the Sewage Czar race between me and Feces Ubunga! We have our first debate tomorrow night down at the slaughterhouse! I'm going unleash some shock and awe on Feces! I'm going to claim that he eats babies! And when he denies it, I'm going to say "that's exactly what someone who eats babies would say!" I'm also going to claim that his mother was Genghis Khan, so he's obviously not fit to be Sewage Czar! I can even yell out "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" for dramatic effect! And, last but not least, I'm going to say he smells like a terd. Man, oh man, I'm gonna whoop Fexes in this debate! As long as I stay away from the issues and just spit out lies about Feces, I'll be just fine! I actually have no idea what a Sewage Czar is or what I would have to do if elected. ALl I know is I want to be Sewage Czar. My dad once told me, "Yehuda-if you don't become Sewage Czar, I'm going to tell everyone you're not our son." I won't let you down, Dad! I'll be the next Sewage Czar! If I lose the election, I'll just file lawsuit upon lawsuit demading a recount until Feces can't stand it anymore and he drops out of the race! Man, I'm going to make one hell of a Vice President in 2028!

SO Vernon has diarrhea. So, I've told him to go in Bug's back yard for a while. That's what I do, too, whenever I have diarrhea. Bug doesn't really seem to mind, whenever he sees me in his back yard, he always smiles and says "Diarrhea again, eh?" In fact, Bug never cleans up any of the feces in his back yard, there's flies everywhere! Bug's pretty disgusting. He stopped wearing deodorant ten years ago, you an smell his b.o. 10 miles away! He told me that deodorant just holds you back. He may have a point there. I tried not wearing deodorant for a while, but Mehilda got mad. What is wrong with that woman? If I don't want to wear deodorant, then I won't, blast it!

Anyway, I've got to go prepare for my big debate! Wish me luck!

Yehuda Bubbahooey-your next Sewage Czar, foo'!

Current mood: morose

Friday, November 5, 2004

4:51PM - LONG TIME NO SEE

Wow, it's been awhile since I've updated my life journal! Sorry, I've been very busy! I've had to work a lot lately (I work 1 hour a day 3 days a week), and I've really been trying to add to my toilet time, I feel I've been neglecting it as of late. 6 hours a day on the toilet is not nearly enough! My toilet deserves better! On top of that, I'm trying to go to bed earlier, I haven't slept very much lately. 12 hours of sleep at night is not very healthy!

Man, I am very upset about the election results! How on earth could the Quayle/Bingus ticket not get one electoral vote? They should have gotten all 849 electoral votes! I talked to Dan the other day, and he's got a ton of lawyers (0) ready to sue every state for their electoral votes! He said the first state he's going to sue is Guam! I can't believe Dan didn't win Guam, he campaigned vigirously there (he went there once 4 months ago). Dan will win once all the lawsuits go through. Quayle/Bingus will happen!

Being around Dan Quayle and Bingus, I've decided maybe it's time for me to jump into politics! I am running for vice president in 2028, with Dingus running for President, but I don't think I can wait 24 years to jump into politics! I've decided to run for Padagonia Sewage Czar! It's going to be tough-the incumbant, Feces Ubunga, has held the post for the past 35 years! But I will hit him with shock and awe! I'll tell everyone he's a butt monster! I'll run negative ads on the ham radio-"Feces Ubunga wants you to believe he doesn't eat his own dandruff. But he has never said that he hasn't? Do you want a sewage czar who won't level with you about his dandruff eating addiction? VOTE YEHUDA BUBBAHOOEY-HE DOESN'T EAT HIS OWN DANDRUFF UNLESS HE'S REALLY, REALLY HUNGRY, AND WHEN HE DOES, HE'LL TELL YOU!" Man, this is gonna be too easy. I need to find someone to join my ticket and run as Vice Sewage Czar. Bug says he wants to, but he scares children and screams at the elderly! Maybe Vernon could run with me! He could make history and become the first moose to be Vice Sewage Czar!

Okay, it's time to go write "Don't" in front of "Vote Feces Ubunga for Sewage Czar" on all is campaign signs!

Yehuda Bubbahooey-Your Next Sewage Czar!

Current mood: recumbent

Monday, September 27, 2004

12:25PM

Man, I'm such the practical joker! The other day, I ran Bug's doorbell, and then I ran away and hid! Bug came to the door, and no one was there! It was so funny! I can't believe no one's thought of this before! Bug got all mad, and started breaking all of his windows with a baseball bat. Then he hit himself over and over with a baseball bat until he was unconscious. I felt bad-if I hadn't rand the doorbell, Bug wouldn't have beaten himself unconscious. I waited until Bug regained consciousness, and apologized for what I did. Bug said he didn't go into his rage because of the practical joke I pulled, he just breaks all of his windows and beats himself unconscious with a baseball bat every day. I was relieved that I wasn't at fault. It's amazing Bug hasn't gotten brain damage from hitting himself repeatedly with a baseball bat. Well....that's not exactly true. He likes to come into my back yard and eat my dirt. When I ask him what he's doing, he says "GET AWAY FROM MY CAVIAR, YOU FESTERING EEL!" And he's started to call me Regis as of late. And he jumps off his roof headfirst in the asphalt more than he used to. Well, Bug may have brain damage, but he's still my friend.

Speaking of practical jokes, I got one played on me the other day. And it was a doorbell joke even! Someone rang my doorbell, and I went to answer it. Afro Johnson was there, he kicked me in the groin, and ran away. Man, that was a good joke! He sure got me! And as he was running away, Bug ran after him, and started kissing him and saying "I LOVE YOU BARBARA BUSH!" Man, having Bug for a neighbor is always exciting.

Well, gotta go to a rehearsal with my band, Social Tampon! Big world tour coming up! Gotta practice hard (we'll probably practice for 40 seconds or so)

YehudA

Monday, September 20, 2004

5:06PM - COPASETIC WEEKEND!

Wow, what a weekend I had! On Saturday morning, Bug and I threw bricks at people biking down the street! Unfortunately, we didn't see anyone biking down the street. So, we decided we'd take turns biking down the street and throw bricks at each other. Bug said I could ride the bike first. What a nice guy Bug is! So, I was biking, and Bug nailed me in the head, and I got a concussion. It was so awesome! After I regained consciousness, I told Bug it was his turn. Bug then selflessly gave me his turn! Can you believe it? So, I got to bike again, and Bug nailed me in the head again and gave me another concussion. When I regained consciousness, I told Bug he had to go this time. But Bug said he had to go shave his legs, so he couldn't. It's too bad Bug didn't get a chance to go, it was a lot of fun! It's been a few weeks since I got two concussions in a day!

Saturday afternoon, me and Twinkle Earwig went to the local barbershop. I never understand why Twinkle keeps going to the barber shop, he's as bald as a plucked chicken! I, on the other hand, have plenty of fat stalks of hair, as you can see by my picture. Apparently, Twinkle goes to the barber every day, despite his baldness. I think he has a thing for the lady barber, Koopy Botsoolokracken! Koopy's quite the hot chica. She has the nicest beard on a girl I've ever seen-and believe me, I've seen my share!

Saturday night, I went to go see Afro Johnson's band, The Full Fledged Gangstas. It was awesome, Afro can rap pretty good! They were playing at the landfill. Man, I love going to the landfill! It's a great place for concerts, because you don't have to clean up the garbage when the concert is over!

Sunday, I went for a nice 6 hour unicycle ride. I did laps around the sewage plant. I like riding my unicycle around the sewage plant, I can really be alone with my thoughts and enjoy the nice aroma of the raw sewage.

So, it was a good weekend. Oh, and my band Social Tampon has added two dates to our upcoming tour! October 8 in Minot, North Dakota and November 7 in Minot, North Dakota. Better get your tickets soon, they're going fast, we've already sold 0.

Yehuda

Thursday, September 16, 2004

11:52PM - BOB SAGAT'S TOEJAM

Man, our release party was a hoot! All 3 people who came had a good time. So, we're off to a great start with our new CD "Bob Bagat's Toejam." So far, we sold 1 copy. That's more than our last album sold! Man, we are going somewhere. If we sell one more CD that we did for our previous CD, pretty soon we'll sell 5 CDs! That should help us crack the Billboard hot 200. Then, we can have our own cologne and we can be on the covers of teeny bopper magazines like "Cat Fancy." Exciting times.

Speaking of Bob Sagat's Toejam, Social Tampon is going on tour soon to promote the new album! Festering Gall Bladder is opening for us as well! Here's the concert dates-

October 2-Minot, North Dakota
October 3-Minot, North Dakota
October 5-Ulan Bator, Mongolia
October 7-Minot, North Dakota
October 9-Minot, North Dakota
October 10-Dawson, the Yukon
October 11-Minot, North Dakota
October 13-Minot, North Dakota
October 14-Minot, North Dakota
October 16-Minot, North Dakota
October 17-Minot, North Dakota
October 19-Ulan Bator, Mongolia
October 20-Minot, North Dakota
October 23-Minot, North Dakota
October 25-Minot, North Dakota
October 27-The Galapagos Islands
October 30-Minot, North Dakota
October 31-Minot, North Dakota and Ulan Bator, Mongolia
November 2-Minot, North Dakota
November 3-Minot, North Dakota
November 5-Minot, North Dakota
November 8-Minot, North Dakota
November 9-Minot, North Dakota
November 11-Minot, North Dakota
November 12-Minot, North Dakota
November 14-Minot, North Dakota
November 16-Van Horn, Texas
November 18-Minot, North Dakota
November 19-Minot, North Dakota
November 20-Minot, North Dakota
November 23-Minot, North Dakota
November 24-Minot, North Dakota
November 26-Minot, North Dakota
November 27-Minot, North Dakota
November 28-Gila Bend, Arizona
November 30-Minot, North Dakota
December 2-Minot, North Dakota
December 3-Minot, North Dakota

There you have it. We're playing a lot of different cities, so you should come. Tickets are only $362,392 dollars each or 10 for a billion dollars. With prices so cheap, you should have no excuse not to come!

I also updated some of my user info. Check it out. Or don;t check it out. Or pick your nose instead. Makes no difference to me.

Yehuda

Monday, September 13, 2004

9:50PM - I DIDN'T WIN =(

Well, I didn't eat the dirt eating contest. And I did really well, I ate 8 pounds of dirt. And I even ate more than the 3-time defending champion, Zwokk Xwokk! But Xwokk's older brother, Zxwokk Xwokk, won by eating 15 pounds of dirt! It was quite an impressive display. And when he won the grand prize of a bag of dirt, he ate that too! That boy is a dirt-eating machine! The whole experience humbled me. Maybe I'm not cut out for eating dirt. I might look at some other possibilities. Coming up soon, we have a sawdust eating contest. I might enter that. Maybe, someday, I will be remembered as a first-rate sawdust eater. That's what I want my kids to remember about me.

Tomorrow night, my band Social Tampon is having a release party for our new CD- "Bob Sagat's Toejam." It's a great album, 15 tracks, with the total CD lasting about 10 seconds. Actually, we don't sell our albums on CD, we only sell 8-tracks. I don't care what anyone says, 8-tracks are far superior to CDs! We're having the release party at Spork World. Two other bands will be playing as well- Uncle Pfeffer and the Pfeffering Pfeffs and German Cucumber Butt Bomb! It should be a blast, all of you should show up. It's only 850 yen to get in, with all you can drink Zima!

That's about all for now. I',m going to go eat some sawdust to get ready for the sawdust eating contest! Toodles!

Yehuda

Sunday, September 12, 2004

11:19AM

Man, I am so exhausted lately! I've only been getting 12 hours of sleep a night this last week! I just can't function with that little sleep! I've got to cut down on my toilet time and sleep some more, but it's tough. Man, my life is so stressful!

I'm also working way too much. Last week, I worked 2 hours. No wonder I haven't been sleeping as much! I'm a self-employed door to door spoon salesman, so I can dictate my own schedule. I think this week, only 10 minutes a day. That's about right. If I cut an hour off my toilet time, I could maybe get my usual 18 hours sleep. Or....I could sleep on my toilet! That would combine my toilet time and my sleep time! I'm such a genius!

Me and my friend Poposhisho Chicamacomico are going down to the annual dirt eating festival today. They have a contest every year-whoever can eat the most dirt wins a bag of dirt! Isn't that awesome? I'm really hoping to win this year. I've been practicing my dirt eating the past year, trying to eat a little more each day, to gain stamina and endurance. I'm hoping to dethrone the 3-time defending champion, Zwokk Xwokk! It's time to end the Zwokk Xwokk dynasty!

Allright, time to go and warm up for the dirt eating contest!

Yehuda

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