Well, I didn't eat the dirt eating contest. And I did really well, I ate 8 pounds of dirt. And I even ate more than the 3-time defending champion, Zwokk Xwokk! But Xwokk's older brother, Zxwokk Xwokk, won by eating 15 pounds of dirt! It was quite an impressive display. And when he won the grand prize of a bag of dirt, he ate that too! That boy is a dirt-eating machine! The whole experience humbled me. Maybe I'm not cut out for eating dirt. I might look at some other possibilities. Coming up soon, we have a sawdust eating contest. I might enter that. Maybe, someday, I will be remembered as a first-rate sawdust eater. That's what I want my kids to remember about me.
Tomorrow night, my band Social Tampon is having a release party for our new CD- "Bob Sagat's Toejam." It's a great album, 15 tracks, with the total CD lasting about 10 seconds. Actually, we don't sell our albums on CD, we only sell 8-tracks. I don't care what anyone says, 8-tracks are far superior to CDs! We're having the release party at Spork World. Two other bands will be playing as well- Uncle Pfeffer and the Pfeffering Pfeffs and German Cucumber Butt Bomb! It should be a blast, all of you should show up. It's only 850 yen to get in, with all you can drink Zima!
That's about all for now. I',m going to go eat some sawdust to get ready for the sawdust eating contest! Toodles!